Waiting for Nothing

truth..
this word .. if u remove the T ... ruth.. is ruthless..
consider.. the thought the ones who care about u the most u care about them less..
the ones who give importance to u,you give less importance to them..
some kind of ego thing ..
its like u are stuckin the middle of a vicious circle and u give to those who give nothing to u.. but take from those to whom u give nothing...

Well does life get any better More yesterday than today How I thought the sun would shine tomorrow But it rained . . .

why i am doing these things .. coming to office working.. thinking.. talking writing.. all the stuff.. consider..feel the same things all over again..
good bad.. fear anger..or have i just defined my feelings in such way

The 12th Man ...

what color is her eyes..
....................
in life we are free men.. we are free to choose .. to live in the same streets as the rich and powerful ..we are free to forgive or to forget.. free to hate.. but in life the choice we make between hating or forgiving can be the story of our lives.. (courtesy shantaram..)
consider when a beggar comes to asking for alms , doesn't he or she has a choice whether or not to hate u.. .. if u don't give alms to him ,he might hate u .. if you do he might still hate u..
he might hate u for the simple reason you have something he doesn't .
.................
in the same tone.. consider your relationship with your boss. do u hate him if doesn't give u the raise in salary you expected ..or gives you less than you expected.. does that makes you hate him or her...do u forgive him .. understand empathize with him.. respect his decision.. or not is upto you...so understand the choice is yours ..
......................
many times i have given alms to a person who asks me.. but i am yet to see a man happy after getting the alms.. relief.. yes happiness no.. i don't understand... maybe i understand asking for something in itself.. makes a person sad.. so what happiness is their in this self humiliating experience of begging..
............
what difference is their between begging and praying.. for something.. i wonder..

Focus Determines Reality..

consider sitting in a office .. without the inclination or motivation to do anything but still working 10 hours a day..talk about doing your karma..
........................................
oh.. my star is fading and i don't know what do ..
talking to you i might say..
come here oh my star is fading.. i stuck in here in this hole..
come here my star is fading i have been talking to strangers
to voices i haven't heard before..
walking in alleys ... in streets of no concern.. i bounded myself to you ..
........................................
looking at love ...looking at an anxious lover's eyes waiting .. .. ..saw love after a long time..
those two were in love.. i could see..after a long time.. may be the first couple i saw in delhi .. i could say loved each other..
.................................
Place Ruby Tuesday..

two people chatting discussing the limitations they are bounded in..
consider..
she says "never go out with a girl just out of relationship.. sleep with her. .."
talk about morality..double standards..
her explaination is that .."when she is just out of relationship .. she is just too bitter from inside and she doesn't even know .."
incomparison to guys who are more in touch with what they feel ..
they are more honest about their ex..
..........................
Now i turn my attention to a couple and girl sitting .. the couple is hands in hands type of situation .. just imagine it ..the third person a girl is on the phone. .. for most of the time..
what do i think when i look at the three people sitting together the third is just on the phone..
as if she doesn't want to be their..
say what u may it won't change a thing..
........................

AOc tales ..

so we kept playing one on one's ..
wolfpack vs villager vs alexander ..kept on going ..in this time CS also became a rage and a lot of players switched to it..but still AOC has its charm ...one of ones started a new concept of walling to protect the trebs from cavalry ..nice idea .. tower rush.. dark attack.. feudal rush. jayant and CD pony all started watch matches of various world championships and learnt..a lot from their.. .
a lot of management skills like which villager to send to lumber how many villagers on food .. how many on gold.. wether to mine stone in feudal or not. .. we also practice knight rushes a lot.. and this strategy still is common if their is less feaudal fighting.. Orion Zap started to show the archer rush. which was devasting if u are not prepared for it .Champions rushes by vikings ..was also patented by them.. well loads of stuff happened .. don't remember all ..

Aoc Tales.. continued

..
we went to second year and switched from nsc to iiit jhalwa.. started playing with tandon hades.. (though jayant took and lived up to the hades legacy) joshi .. manas(inspite of being a gr8 player very humble..).. we played learnt new techniques.. and here in the second year of college.. i played with rajdeep or CD.. man this guy .. though we totally opposite in our style of living somehow .. i liked his ability to learn and improve..liked we did new things hitting sub 15 castle.. a 21 min imp .. learning... new concepts..like height factor .. fishing boom.. our juniors improved as well..we lost to them ..but it turned out to be learning experience and we improved more..
rajdeep or CD as we called him improved by leaps and bounds ...and became the best AOC player ..
We both played a lot of games i guess used to play 10 1 on 1 in a day.. loki also joined us though he was just beginning to play..
loads of one of one games were being played these days ...second year..

AOC

let me go back in time...when we entered college..
in our first year ..we form a gang.. a gang of agers .. who played AOC (age of empires like a religion..)the games weren't games .. they were epic battles.. wolfpack caeser phoenix attacker Alexander dumbledore..lord voldemort.. knightmare..
Epic battles let me explain.. we come to college on a saturday a group of 8 ...start playing the games were so long that we had to take breaks ..lunch break .. toilet break pause the game for few seconds and then back ... and this continued till late in the evening till around 9 pm.In some ways when i look back it was a endurance test mor than anything ..we proved to oursleves and to everbody else.. that we can play..especially our senoirs who in the beginning humiliated us with 2 on 6 matches ...but after sometime couldn't even play 4 on 4 against us...i guess we played long and hard..

what difference the words i love you means ..
does they make someone already loved know..what..a person feels for them.. not really ..how can we describe love ...what can i say to tell you i adore you .. that i get pleasure from yor happiness .. that i like you like no other ..tha when i with you i am myself .. that all wounds all my sorrow disappears when i am with you...